how to have confidence in spite of everything
This will ideally eliminate some of the bricks that you have placed between yourself and the dreams you secretly really want but do not think are possible.
I've been unknowingly conducting scientific research on myself since I was 13, recording the data in my little fluffy pink journal; I only recently figured out how to make sense of it. I have come to a comprehension of myself that I will be on a roller coaster of: losing my hat on the top of a loopdeeloop (having acne) and then somehow catching it at the bottom (not having acne). A vicious cycle indeed, especially starting at such a soul-sucking, gag-reflexing, vagina-bleeding age as fucking 13. To that girl, confidence was just a funky-fonted word on a chaotic poster of some kid in space smiling on a poster at school.
I think that if you have ever had acne, you know well of the deep hole that needs to be climbed out of to reach the starting level of confidence as everyone else. And honestly, somedays I still find myself sinking back into the ground due to the spots on my face and not making eye contact because I am afraid I will see the other person looking at my acne. In fact, I used to always have concealer strapped on me. Especially when I would spend the night at romantic partner’s houses, making sure to wash my face only after the lights have been turned off and then running to the bathroom in the morning to cover up my enflamed embarrassment with cream colored paint. Those with cystic acne know that not only is the embarrassment of how you look painful, but also the actual skin condition itself.
~HOPE RANT~
I will make one thing clear, having acne does in no way shape or form equate to dirtiness; in fact, I bet every man with blemishless skin has more bacteria dancing on their face than any girl with severe acne. Women are more likely to report having acne than men, which is mostly due to the fact that we have been, again, royally fucked in the hormones department; if you want to get off birth control, good luck! So, Jesus Christ, never ever tell someone with acne to just “wash their face,” do you not think they have tried that?? Since I was 13, I have been on a dozen different dermatologist-prescribed acne treatments, the only one I have never attempted is Accutane, as it is known for causing depression. And that is not to mention all of the diets I have tried (no dairy, no gluten, no caffeine, no alcohol, no sugar, etc) as well as hundreds of dollars spent on creams, pills, clensers, supplements, and “acne friendly” makeup – what seems to work one year, can not work the next.
That all goes to say, I have noticed that my confidence level rises and falls with the rollercoaster of acne that is my life. However, at (almost) 25, I have developed skills and ways to navigate this painful ride I have not departed from yet. I know I deserve to feel confident no matter what I look like, and so do you. So, here is a list of ways I have clawed my way out of a deep hole of unconfidence (the same way the ring girl will climb out of your TV if you’re ever grossed out by acne).
applicable to everyone who finds that they do not yield the confidence level they desire.
1. Your assumption in your correctness leads things in the ways you want
If you’re reading this, you probably have heard all about manifesting and understand it to some extent; for this, I will take it a step further. Manifesting relies on your comprehension that whatever you wish to happen to you will happen, almost acting as if your desires have already come to fruition. However, there remains a sliver of comprehension that you are acting while you (or at least I) do this, which I find can lead to a level of fraudulent assumptions leaking subconsciously from my brain. But, when you are so completely content and trusting of yourself that each decision you make aligns with who you really are, the gap is filled.
Now, you must also make sure to align who you are with the universe to fully receive benefits from this.
I ask you to consider Donald Trump and his fucked up beliefs. There is a high potent reakiness of self-confidence that oozes out of his rapist pores, which sets him apart from those in lack. However, I believe that he has replaced his true self’s dreams with the need for power and money. This is where confidence reverses, and the gap becomes wider yet again. Sure, his assumption of being correct in his decisions (among many other disgusting outside factors) aids in bringing him to where he assumes he will be. But, you and I both know that he would much rather be jacking off to children while someone drives his putrid, fat ass around on a golf cart all day.
Sorry to bring him up, but I think it is a great example, and also, I love documenting how much of a horrible human he is for future generations to know we were not all insane.
2. What do you do to put yourself in positions where you’re looking for something new?
An unforeseen circumstance is looking at you through the peephole of your apartment that you have lived in for all your life. Hoping it will go away if you cannot see it, you lock the doors and go about your day. However, you have actually seen it and now know that it is there. Its presence in your mind and potential presence at your front door will soon permeate every little thing you do; especially if you do not know how to handle it. The longer it remains in your mind, the scarier it looks through the safety of your peephole.
It scares me how comfortable humans have become these days; what we perceive as components making our lives easier, actually in turn, make us incompetent. I actually think a lot about evolution and where we are now compared to then. In this space and time, if I wanted to spend all of my time inside, I could. My groceries can be delivered to my door while I’m working from home, and I can pay all my bills online right after my therapist mutes my criess on zoom.
I fear some have lost the gratification that comes with exposure and attempts. When people continuously mention to me their dreams or goals or ideas, I want to grab their face between my hands and scream “SO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!” with such a tone that will make them understand. But, I do not have a special tone that convinces people they are the only ones who can truly make any change in their lives, so I am writing this instead.
The amount that I have traveled, problem-solved, attempted, failed, been embarrassed, taught myself a new skill, had my heart broken, just fucking did it, and blah blah blah, has given me more confidence than clear skin ever could – because it stems from something real and now forever residing within me.
It is insane to me how people who have resources and the ability, stay within their comfort bubble their whole entire lives. I know that someone’s definition of experience will always differ from the one I gave, but how can you be aware of the potential outside your door and continue to lock it day after day to hide?
3. The way you walk and dress
I have been sitting in one of Philly’s main parks a lot recently and just people watching. Confidence is communicated easily by those who are wearing something they feel good in, even in sweats. It is inspiring to see people so authentically themselves that their exterior reflects their interior. It’s like dressing for the job you want, but instead of a job, it’s self-confidence. Also, the next time you are walking in a public place, I want you to elongate your back and force yourself to look nowhere but straight ahead. The way you carry yourself on the outside is just as important as on the inside.
4. If you dont like it – get a tattoo or piercing
I lacked confidence in the fact that my outward appearance did not communicate well who I was on the inside, so I got tattoos. Also, I found myself battling with this idea that my stomach has to look as if it contains no organs, and when I decided to get healthy again that idea made me hate my stomach. So, I got a belly button piercing and now it is so cute to me and I want to show her off all the time! I’m not saying that this will be a permanent solution, but it sure as hell is easier than scraping out the sexist bullshit embedded into every nook and cranny of my brain.
5. Stop complaining
I know my personal enstatements of positivity, always attempting to find solutions, and not allowing people to complain a lot to me without the aforementioned, can be annoying for some people. But I will not apologize for who I am, and if it is too much for them, they clearly are not someone who wants the best for me (and themselves).
Confidence is enhanced immensely by positivity.
When you focus solely on your problems, fixating only on what is going wrong and not giving room for potential solutions, you feel less capable. By complaining about a scenario, you are projecting your limited belief in your capabilities of overcoming or fixing said challenge, which then automatically drops the scenario into the “things wrong with my life” pile.
It is also a leaking habit. And what I mean by that is when you use complaining and negativity as a default response, you are subconsciously becoming more and more aware of the limitations before the benefits in potential opportunities. Which, in the long run, will make it way more difficult for you to complete #2.
By challenges, I am referring to problems that are not 100% out of your control. If you complain about your cat dying, that is a whole different ballgame.
5. Listen to your gut and your heart
I would say about a healthy mix of 60% gut and 40% heart. You know which is which, but I like to associate my gut with my intution and my heart with a dream and aspire-like state. Trust them both
That’s all I really got. Confidence isn’t waiting for me at the end of clear skin or some mythical “together” version of myself, and you’re not gunna find it there either. It’s in the attempt. In moving, messing up, trying again with spots on our faces and piercings in our noses, and whatever else we find ourselves in need of at the time. Hopefully, this helps you claw a little closer to the surface.
That's all I got, I think? Hmmm..
Anyways, I hope you have a good day,
-Hope Joy
The brain to the blog <3
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